Love is not enough

Love Is Not Enough

The above article is a ten minute read and probably helpful relationship advice. princeHerman says probably because, although no relationship is perfect, his comes darn close. The reason pH is commenting at all is the metaphoric core of love. Maybe he just doesn’t get it.He does identify strongly with the opening: 

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, abstained from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.

One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not.

In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?

But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand thathealthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. “…

There used to be a woman with whom princeHerman was friendly. When she’d meet people she’d ask them what their core was. The only answer she would accept as correct was love. princeHerman’s answer was often respect, but rarely ‘love’. He thought her concept was flawed. 

Similarly dear friends toss the term “love you” into routine greetings and it can cause pH some discomfort. It often feels disingenuous either giving or receiving. 

In contrast, princeHerman loves calling sex ‘making love’. Fleeting and casual maybe, but real and physically chemically measurable.

This entry was published on September 2, 2014 at 1:31 pm. It’s filed under thought inducing article links and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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